In my "line of work" I am asked a lot about dating, courting, "the ONE", etc... And while I'm not going to address all of these topics I am going to give the fellas a few ideas about dating that most gals would love them to know.
Pursuit:
Fellas be like Jesus to the church (Eph. 5:25): Jesus lovingly, tenderly and passionately pursues His people.
Character:
There cannot be a more qualifying element to date a person than one's character. Get some. (1 Cor. 13:4-13, all of Proverbs, Gal. 5:22-23, the whole Bible)
Maturity:
Above all else, guard your heart (Prov. 4:23)). This is maturity in a nutshell. Guard your heart, guard the gal's heart.
...and of course
Boundaries:
Think of it this way: The more you set (and keep!), the more secure the gal feels in your presence, because you are in essence saying, "I care about you this much (and "this much" = how strict and numbered your boundaries are). The more you secure she feels in your presence, the more she trusts you. The more she trusts you, the more access you will win to her heart. Boundaries = Respect. How much do you respect her? It is proven in your boundaries with her. (Heb. 10:19-24)
Fellas, I charge you to raise the standard. Set the bar high for yourself. Reach that bar. Call the gals of your generation to the High Calling, which their loving, protective Father has called them to. Demand that she respect herself and prove to her that you will no matter what she chooses. Don't be daddy, don't be demanding, don't be demeaning, be Christ to her. Go above and beyond to call out the character and potential she was created to be.
Now for one practical "Beginning to Date" procedure. Let me set up the scenario:
Fella. You like a gal. You and Gal have been running in the same circle for a while ("a while" = 2 or more months at least), you and Gal are not just acquaintances, but friends. You and Gal have a lot of friends in common too ("a lot" = 5 or more). Gal sticks out to you, she makes your heart skip a beat when you see her or hear she is coming around. YOU GO TO JESUS. You pray: Father, you know what I'm feeling for your beloved, treasured daughter _____. What is your will for me? Is she someone I should pursue? I will wait for your answer. Open my eyes to see beyond what I feel right now. Help me be honorable and treat her with dignity and respect. Give me wise counsel in my friends, mentors, parents, and leaders. I trust your judgment is sound and is for me and for her too." Then, you wait. Then you seek wise counsel from WISE friends (a.k.a. Not the playas who will always say "Go for it!" no matter what the circumstances), godly mentors, parents, and older leaders. Then you wait. Then wait more. Then wait longer. Then, if God says no. You stop. Don't string her along in your battle for God's YES. Obey God. But, if God says, "Yes, my beloved son. Gently pursue this treasure of my heart" you can go to Gal. When you ask Gal out, know that this is what the first date will entail: above and beyond respect and chivalry, conversation (a.k.a. not a movie), aaaaand....sharing with her your intentions of this pursuit. WHICH MEANS, you must think and pray ahead of time about your intentions for pursuing her and this relationship. You should be honest, open, have integrity, and be authentic. Let her know you like her, you have prayed about pursuing her and a relationship with her. Tell her that while you don't know the future, you know you will care for her feelings, purity and heart. And then share specifics about your intentions, remembering to guard your heart and her heart (which means keeping a balance between saying too much or too little). At this point, she can say yes or no to your pursuit and you both will not be in a messy, entangled, awkward "frenlationship" (friends, but not really, but just friends, but kinda more...).
Disclaimer: I know every relationship will not start out this way. Some life long, happy marriages started with a blind date. But every guy can learn something from the above scenario and apply it to their current or a future situation.
God loves his daughters, and he loves his sons. Our job in the mix is to learn how to treat each other and uphold that standard no matter what our feelings and emotions say.
Happy dating! To those who have chosen to date.
(The above pictures our from my wedding rehearsal and then obviously, my wedding Oct. 8, 2005)
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