Separation Anxiety

I have been thinking about this for several weeks...
Separation Anxiety. For all the moms and parents out there, this concept has a lot of meaning already. For all the children-less people, this may have little to no meaning to you...yet. Separation Anxiety is a very normal stage of life for most 6-12 month olds, as their brains are developing they begin realizing different aspects and concepts of life. My sweet MaryBella is experiencing this new phenomenon currently. When she cannot see my face at any given moment throughout the day she will sometimes suddenly wail and cry, "Mame Mame Mame!" Other times when there are lots of unfamiliar people around she will bury her head in my shoulder or chest in attempts to get as close to me as she can and as far from the other people as humanly possible. All for reassurance. She is developing the capacity to understand object permanence, which is learning that things and people exist even when they're out of sight. I am her primary care taker, provider, protector, comforter, life source, playmate and companion. Naturally, the more she realizes I'm always around, the more she will realize every second I am not in sight. There are sweet moments of cuddling and comforting that we both enjoy during this phase and there are not-so-sweet moments of screaming and trying to calm her as best I can as well. I embrace this stage of life.
So, as always, there is so much symbolism in my relationship with MaryBella and my relationship with the Heavenly Father. In one I am the guardian, in the other I am the helpless child. In one I am the source of life, in the other I am hungry and in need. In one I am the giver, in the other I am the receiver. Seeing these different dynamics so helps me understand the Father's heart on a new level. I would NEVER think about leaving MaryBella in seasons like this because she is not learning fast enough. I would NEVER dream of scolding her when she falls down after attempting to walk. I would NEVER ignore her screams for comfort in the middle of the night...no matter how tired I may be. And after thinking these thoughts, I ponder...this is what He means when He promises to never leave or forsake me. This is what He means when He says He has loved me with an everlasting love. This is what He means when He says He is my Rock and my Shield, my ever present Help in time of trouble. He really does mean those things, they are not just pretty words. Again, He has left me speechless.
So, in looking at MaryBella's separation anxiety, I can't help but see my own in my relationship with God. How I freak out when I've lost sight of His face. How I am unstable emotionally when I have not been in daily relationship with Him. How I am so quickly insecure, fragile and broken when I step out of earshot of His voice speaking over me. I am acutely aware of some of my side-effects of separation anxiety and as soon as I begin to see and feel them, I run to Father God. "Save me, God! Help me! Draw near to me...I need You." It's not always a "life or death" situation when I pray these things, but it is life or death to my heart and spirit. I have become so dependent on His grace, His love, His forgiveness, His companionship that I feel remarkably lost without it. Just as I long for MaryBella to find me- to lock eyes with me- when she is unsure of her surroundings and the people around her, I know Father God deeply aches for me to return to His presence when I have strayed off course or gotten distracted by life. There is no shame for MaryBella to be scared or sad or confused when she has lost sight of me, just as there is no shame for me to return to Abba's feet, repentant, humble and with a heart ready to receive. And just as MaryBella will learn with time, that even when she can't see me, I am always caring for her she can be confident of my presence in her life; I know in the moments of life I am unsure or even scared about, I know God has full reign to direct my paths, to speak His will, and to hold me so I can live confident, joyful and prepared for whatever unpredictability life may bring.
Oh, how I desire to always be sensitive to my own separation anxiety, always aware of how great my need is for Him. This, my friends, I know is a treasure to possess on earth.
Questions for pondering: What are some side-effects of my own separation anxiety?
How do my actions change when I feel this anxiety?
Most importantly, where do I turn when I feel like this?